Working in residence life for a bit, most everyone knows that attempts to contact me will likely be met with voicemails or silence this month. That I will occasionally post something on social media so others know I’m still around, but really, all I am doing is working. Continue reading “Jumping off…”
One of the risks I have recently taken was changing my medications for anxiety/depression. I have been somewhat lucky in that I haven’t had to cycle through drug after drug, trying to find the right dosage or combination. Until now, of course. I was previously on my main medication for over three years and tapering to then not taking it anymore was awful. After a month on a new medication that was clearly doing the opposite of what it was supposed to, I am now on a new medication.
It is during these times when I struggle the most with the notion of taking medication for my anxiety and depression. I question whether I’m doing the right thing by putting things into my body that change the chemicals and even the way I think so much that friends reach out and question if I’m okay. Why would I willingly put myself through this? I feel like that’s one of the stigmas associated with mental health and actually taking care of yourself. For instance, if you have something recognizable like cancer or diabetes, you’re going to take the medications the doctor tells you to that have shown the best results. Those doctors will likely change around dosages and combinations if their first guess isn’t quite right. But if you change the illness to something like anxiety or depression, it looks completely differently and some people can be vilified for their choice in seeking medical intervention with mental illness. Perception is everything, I guess, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
Have you ever stopped and looked at your life, fully realizing all the amazing things that you have done, are able to do, that could be in store for you in the future and then, out of nowhere, everything is wrong? Let me clarify what I mean by wrong: you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin; you don’t feel like you belong; the people that surround you that are either family or friends who have become family, all of a sudden cannot do anything (or do nothing) without it being wrong; and you decide that it would be easier to not “be” until whatever this madness is passes?
Words have always been something that have meant a lot to me, despite choosing to study numbers. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found comfort in quotes that allow me to feel like I’m not alone, that make me laugh, or that say something much more eloquently than I ever could. This quote really resonated with me the other day as I was looking for inspiration for a title for this… And I realized that this was it. This is a risk that I’m taking and now a challenge to myself to continue to take risks to find moments of happiness, however fleeting. For happiness is far to sweet to try and find.