For days (possibly weeks, it’s honestly hard to tell at this point), I have been listening to one song. When I say that, I don’t mean it’s the only song I’ve listened to during this time, but it’s truly the only one that I’ve HEARD. During this time, I can’t tell you how much of my time is spent with this song on repeat. Either in my car as I drive around thinking, on my work computer for background music when working, or as I’m around my apartment. It is more than a comforting melody. It’s more than soothing background music. It is truly a message from God because I take something new from it every time I hear it, which at this point is A LOT. It’s been on my heart to share because maybe it will be a message someone else needs too. “Lord, let Your fire fall. Your love is all I feel.” (Zach Williams, Fear is a Liar)
I know I’m not alone in falling victim to this, but fear is an awful, cruel thing, but something that stops me far too much. I fear that I don’t have the right words, I fear that I’m not smart enough, not creative enough, not brave enough, not enough. If it goes on for too long, I start to believe those dark, evil thoughts. It manifests it’s way into my way of being and how I see myself and becomes next to impossible to overcome.
But there is always something that can overcome anything and everything. Or a someone, to be more exact. Jesus sacrificed his blood- his perfect life- for me and God is far too good to allow myself to continue to give in to the awful thoughts that I’m not enough. Because whether or not I feel I am, I don’t make that decision. He does. And He knows my name and my heart and the deepest desires it holds when I haven’t even thought of them yet.
Life comes in seasons and this one is challenging. There is so much going on- triumph, struggle, the weird in-between- all at the same time, so that I am often just too tired. Too tired to praise and pray. Too busy to think about His word, let alone read it. Too busy for Him. And in return, too busy for me. How can I honor myself if I am not first honoring Him? It is so easy to give advice or counsel to others and then not follow it myself. So here’s a painful step trudging through that fear in an attempt to let His fire fall: Lord, please move in my life. Move in the lives of those who struggle to ask for it. Your love and mercy are too great for words to ever be able to encapsulate. Your provisions in my life are far too much for a thank you to be enough. Move in my life, creating a light that burns for you, Lord. Fear is a liar, but You are truth and peace, serenity and love. That is more than enough.